Sex Next to Strangers: The Ins and Outs of Getting Laid in a Hostel
Tips For Having Sex in a Hostel
Without being a terrible hostel roommate
How to get laid in a hostel - without being rude about it
Hostels are my favorite type of accommodation because they’re a) cheap and b) an excellent way to meet other travelers. However, they’re not for everyone. Hostels are cheap because they cram 4-16 strangers in a room together in bunk beds, which is bound to lead to some messy situations: snoring roommates, roommates being loud when you’re trying to sleep, roommates leaving their stuff everywhere, or everyone’s favorite: walking in on your random hostel roommates having sex.
Here’s the thing: in my opinion, if you stay in a hostel, you’re signing yourself up for all the things that might accompany paying less than $20 a night for a place to stay. Personally, I welcome all the adventures that come with the hostel experience, even the less-than-glamorous ones, because they make for good stories. And if you cram 4-16 traveling strangers in a room together, someone is inevitably going to get laid.
And I hope, for your sake, that that someone is you, because everyone deserves to get laid.
That person has been me a few times, but I still try to be considerate, because like yeah, everyone deserves to get laid, but also, everyone deserves to not getting woken up to randos having sex above them, because like, nobody wants that.
Without further ado, here’s 4 ways to get laid in a hostel without being rude to your other hostelmates, which, um, may or may not be based on personal experiences. Use your imagination.
1. Use the bathroom.
Shower sex is seldom preferable, but when you have 10 strangers sleeping in your room, it might be the best solution. Water optional. Just don’t hop in there with all your clothes on, accidentally hit the faucet when you’re taking them off, and then be forced to do the stride of pride back to your room with a sopping wet dress.
2. Do it at a weird hour.
Although 3 a.m. after the bar seems like the ideal time to get laid, if you spend three hours walking around Rome and making out in phone booths and then head back to your new friend’s 4-bed dorm at 6:30, you just might get there right as his hostelmates are about to check out the Colosseum, and get an entire room to yourselves for the next couple of hours. For example. Then, you don’t have to have sex in a shower, and nobody has to hear you do it! Win-win.
3. Book a private room.
Sometimes, if you’re half-dating someone while living abroad and you sneak into their room after midnight and out of their room at 5 a.m. three nights in a row, their host family might notice you running down the stairs, get angry, and kick them out. But then, they might book a hostel room for their remaining three nights in the country, so you can come over every night without making anyone’s host families mad.
And, if all else fails,
4. Be quiet and be prepared to fake being asleep if anyone wakes up
It’s possible. If you come in when everyone’s asleep, keep your voice down, and don’t try any crazy positions, it’s possible to get laid without also being obnoxious to everyone around you. Just hope that if you come in at 4 a.m. after skinnydipping with your other hostelmate, start going at it and assume everyone is asleep, that the insomniac laying awake above you is cool about it and puts in her headphones and doesn’t say anything, because she’s had hostel shower sex, sex in Rome, and got a dude kicked out of his host family’s house on accident, so she gets it.
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