Why bigger Girls are NOT desperate

Loving yourself as a big girl.jpg

Loving myself as a plus-sized women

And why we're NOT desperate!

Loving & Dating as a big girl

There’s this entire misconception that bigger women are somehow automatically desperate when it comes to sex and dating. While I’m sure that there are lots of desperate women out there of all sorts and shapes, it’s not always an accurate depiction. Admittedly in my younger days, I used to be much more desperate than I would say I am right now. Personally, I’ve come quite a long way since I first started dating, and admittedly I’ve grown pickier as I’ve gotten older, finding out my likes and dislikes to a narrow extreme at times. Naturally, as we age, we evolve, hopefully for the better and I can say that at least for me, this feels true. As women, we’re like a fine wine: We just keep getting better with age ;)

Love yourself!

Loving myself as a plus-sized woman

I’ve never quite understood the misconception of the desperate bigger women, because I’ve been with all different types of men, including men significantly smaller than myself.  Sometimes you just have to enjoy your partner enjoying you instead of focusing on a potential size difference between the two of you. I’m pretty sure that in our minds there will always be these little “what-if’s,” but unless they become reality, do yourself a favor and ignore them. If a man of a much different size than you finds you attractive, don’t question and fight it if you’re equally attracted to him! If a man can’t accept and find beauty in whatever size you may be, that’s his loss and you are not obligated to continue with his negativity. You’re worthy of exactly what makes you happy and remember that there is plenty of fish in the sea! I’m also pretty sure there’s also more than one sea on earth, so always remember to never settle for less than you’re worth.

Focus on the inside - not on the exterior

 However, back to bigger women being perceived as desperate, speaking merely for myself, I feel like at some level I can have any man I want, regardless of the shape of their body. I’ve been with men of all shapes, sizes, and colors, I believe more so in giving the person themselves a chance - not their body shape and exterior. And one body shape is not required to like their exact same body shape and only that. Our bodies are subject to changes and phases just like our lives, so what you fall in love with may not be what you end up with if you’re too worried about the physical. A skinny woman can love a large man, and a skinny man can love a large woman and whatever combination it may be otherwise, it really doesn’t matter if you’re with the person for the right reasons.

I will say though that a large portion of this subject can be traced back to a woman’s confidence in herself. The more confident you feel, you likely start to cut the bullshit and set new standards for what you’re willing to put up with. I must admit that losing weight helped teach me to love my body, regardless of regaining half the weight I’d lost. But it’s a confidence I haven’t lost. Even if you haven’t lost any weight, today ought to be your starting point regardless. Loving yourself is a journey of its own, just like weight loss, and you loving yourself makes your partner love you even more - no matter your shape!

People have different preferences - and that's awesome!

Loving myself - no matter the shape!

Loving myself - no matter the shape!

Now granted not all men will be attracted to a plus size woman, which I believe is their loss, but I don’t feel the need to force them to like me. There are enough men that will be attracted to you because you're a plus sized woman! I do find it a little funny though when a grown man can’t handle a little curve in his life, but again, their loss, not mine/yours. I still find myself generally attracted to tall, stocky built men, but that’s merely a preference, not a necessity - I will give any decent man a fair chance. You can’t force someone to find you attractive or vice versa, remember it goes both ways, if you’re not attracted to the other person, you can politely decline their moves. So out of 7 billion people on this earth, how about you worry more about surrounding yourself with people who love you exactly as you are, and fuck anyone with a shitty thing to say because in most cases, those people are typically the ones who are miserable in their lives and are lashing out. In those cases, reflect kindness and sympathy on their behalf for needing to express themselves in such a manner.

Joshlyn Wallace is the creator of the blog Late Daises. She has a Bachelors in Photojournalism and Creative writing from Stephen F. Austin State University in Nacogdoches, Texas. She writes about a variety of topics, as well as sharing recipes and doing reviews.She is both sex and body positive, as well as a mental health advocate and suicide survivor. You can also find her on Facebook.

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